What a Postpartum Doula CAN and CAN’T do

The earliest months of motherhood are a journey into the unknown. No one can know whether you will have a baby who is fussy or easily soothed, a baby who will sleep or one who will fight sleep with every breath, a birth and recovery experience you don’t mind too much in the end, or one you can hardly think about without losing your composure. 

Will you be able to breastfeed like you hope? Will you and your partner figure out how to share baby duty in a way that makes you both happy? Will you love every moment from the very first or will it take time to feel connected to your own baby? No one knows until you’ve actually gotten into the middle of it.

And at that point, the unknowns shift from the abstract to the practical and it becomes urgent for you to figure out how to tell whether the baby’s had enough to eat, or whether this cry means he’s hungry again or is just tired. Should you offer her a pacifier yet? Is it too soon to put him in the baby carrier? How do you bathe a newborn with just two hands? And when are you supposed to get some sleep anyway?

Is a postpartum doula worth it?

Some parents and babies are happy to work through all this uncertainty on their own. It’s a happy adventure and they easily navigate the bumps in the road. They take everything in stride, and don’t mind the trial and error nature of the experience very much.

But for other parents, having someone walk this road with them is crucial. Ideally, this kind of companion is the baby’s grandmother or aunt, or a dear friend who’s gone this way before. But when these loved and trusted friends and family members are not readily available, a postpartum doula is the best kind of person to come alongside you and your family.

A postpartum doula acts as an experienced guide and a gentle support as you recover from your childbirth experience, learn all about your baby, and start to become the kind of mother you want to be. For families who need this kind of support and are looking for ongoing access to reassuring information and trustworthy resources, a postpartum doula is very much worth it.

What a postpartum doula CAN’T do

Your postpartum doula likely wants to help you with all the things. That’s why she became a doula, after all! She knows how hard these next few weeks are and she’s committed to your comfort, recovery, and sense of confidence. But there are limits to what she can do. A good certified postpartum doula will follow her certifying body’s code of ethics and will not perform tasks outside the scope of practice for which she is certified.

It is important to remember that a certified postpartum doula (very likely) does not have medical training and is not qualified to conduct a medical examination, make a diagnosis, offer a treatment plan, or administer any kind of medication.

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This means that if, in your usual conversation with your doula, you describe some new kind of problem or symptom and ask for advice about it, your doula is really only able to offer general information about the topic so that you can make the best decision about how to move forward, whether that means using that information and calling your care provider, or taking an over the counter treatment, or whatever you decide to do. It is outside your doula’s scope of practice to, for example, confirm your self-diagnosis or advise you on the best course of treatment.

Additionally, even after offering you some of the best information about a topic you need some urgent help with, your postpartum doula can’t make the big decision for you. Your doula wants to support you and answer questions, provide perspective, and offer resources, but in the end, you are the mother, and you get to decide how you want to tackle your struggles. You know your body best. You know your baby better than anyone. You have our own vision for this stage in your life. Your doula is right there to help you learn to trust your ability to take the next step.

Finally, your postpartum doula can’t be your spokesperson or liaison in your communication with your partner or your medical team. She cannot speak on your behalf or share your wishes or explain what you mean or what you really want. But your doula can help prepare you to do this for yourself. She’ll help you sort out your thoughts and be a sounding board as you work through your expectations, your vision, and your feelings.

What a postpartum doula CAN do

The core of a postpartum doula’s role is to provide emotional, physical, and informational support to new parents. Here’s how that can look for you and your family.

The emotional support a doula provides consists of a lot more than simply providing a shoulder to cry on while your hormones sort themselves out and you work through the baby blues. A good doula will help you talk through what you want and why you need things to go or be a certain way. She will help you work through the disappointments, the setbacks, and the hard decisions. She will guide you through your decision-making process as you incorporate a whole new person and weigh risks and benefits in an entirely new way. There are so many unknowns as a first-time parent, after all. It’s a great comfort to have a compassionate person nearby to offer reassurance.

The physical support a doula provides can vary depending on whether you hire in-home doula help or virtual doula support. In-home doulas often provide physical support in the form of light cooking and cleaning, tidying, baby care, and actually doing the things you want or need to do but cannot because you are recovering, resting, or busy with your baby. Some doulas will be up-front about whether or not their support includes pet care, looking after older siblings, or even coming along to your doctor appointments, or watching your newborn at home while you go to an appointment alone. What do you need an extra pair of hands to get done at home? Your doula might be just the person to help with that. 

If you hire a postpartum doula for virtual care, her physical support is limited to the help she can provide via video chat. This usually includes help using baby gear: a breast pump, a baby carrier, cloth diapers, etc. Your doula can also help you reassess and prioritize tasks that need doing, and figure out how to get things done as the pace and priorities in your house shifts with the baby.

The informational support a postpartum doula provides can be hugely beneficial if you are the kind of person who is likely to spend every waking moment researching answers to your questions anyway. In their training, postpartum doulas learn all about how most new moms recover from childbirth, how newborns adjust to life on the outside, and what kinds of things both mothers and babies need in order to feel comforted, supported, and healthy.

A great doula is also a wealth of information about where a new parent can find solid resources, whether online or locally in their own community. If you are looking for a sensitive lactation specialist, or a baby boutique that sells cute sleepers or cloth diapers, or where to find someone to talk to when everything feels terrible and you just want to run away, a good postpartum doula knows just which direction to steer you. No need to sort through recommendations on social media, scroll through mysterious search results, or poll everyone you know. Your doula’s got you covered.

How can a postpartum doula help you?

The difference a postpartum doula can make to you and your family is enormous and depends on what you need most during the uncertainty and relentless demands in this early postpartum period!

Maybe you really just need an extra set of hands around the house because somehow even two grown adults doesn’t seem like enough people to look after one tiny newborn (been there!). Or maybe you have plenty of help at home, but what you need is to have access to someone you can really talk to a few times a week, to give you time and space for your feelings, fears, and worries, to help you get outside your own head for a bit, and to brainstorm some different ways to approach a new struggle that’s just popped up (needed that!).

So if you feel like you’ve got the in-home help part pretty well covered, or it’s just not something you’re worried about, but you would feel a lot better having a compassionate, trained, and experienced doula to check in with now and again as you figure things out with this new baby, then I’d like to tell you about Day with a Doula care.

Introducing: Day with a Doula

If you are ready to swap this stage in motherhood from confused and frazzled to confident and reassured, here’s how to get on my calendar for some high-quality doula love:

First, go to my calendar and pick an upcoming date when we can spend the whole day chatting back and forth. I’ll send you details about how to connect on that date, and you’ll also get an intake form to help you think through what you most need to get out of our time together.

When we meet, we’ll exchange voice (or text...or gif, whenever possible) messages all day long to hash out and troubleshoot what’s seriously stressing you out with your baby right now. You get access to my doula brain (expertise+training) and my doula heart (experience+compassion) for 12 hours but without the pressure of a set appointment time or the need to respond immediately if the baby needs some extra attention, you have an errand to run, or you just seriously need a nap, which you probably do, and you probably should!

You get answers to your questions, reassurance for your worries, a pep talk for your doubts, and (did I mention this already?) the entire day to share your story, your experiences, and your heart at this point of your motherhood journey.

You don’t have to do this alone or wait and see if things get better on their own (it’s been a rough few years, after all…) Let’s spend the day together! Check out my calendar here.

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