Why the Anxiety of Parenting the 'Right' Way Is Exhausting You—and How to Stop
Does it ever feel like this pregnancy and early parenting is just one endless trip down a search engine rabbit hole? From sourcing feeding schedules to the “right” sleep setup, the sheer amount of advice out there can leave even the most prepared parents feeling completely overwhelmed. You want to do what’s best for your baby, but how do you turn down the noise when every decision feels like it carries so much weight?
In this post, I’ll show you why you need to break free from the cycle of over-researching and how to stop second-guessing so you can start to trust yourself as a parent.
To help get you there, I’ll share three simple, actionable steps:
put boundaries around your “research” time
embrace “good enough” parenting
and the importance of prioritizing yourself so you can share your calm confidence with your baby.
My goal is to help you see how letting go of the need to ‘just read this one other thing’ can lead to more connection, joy, and trust in your unique parenting journey.
Every baby is different so how will you know you’re doing it right?
Navigating the early days of parenting can feel like stepping into an endless labyrinth of decisions, advice, and information overload. For new parents determined to "get it right," this season is filled with anxiety and second-guessing, amplified by the sheer number of opinions on everything from sleep schedules to the right kind of baby bottle, fitted with the correct nipple size, filled with the very best formula or pumped milk available.
One way I see this stress show up in my pregnant and newly postpartum clients is in the relentless quest for the “perfect” or “best” answer. You can easily spend hours researching feeding routines, analyzing milestone charts, and debating which baby gear will set you and your baby up for success.
I love researching! But it doesn’t always help.
Now, while I’m all for seeking knowledge as a sign of wisdom (I’m an enneagram 5 - The Investigator 😜) , it can quickly turn into a nearly compulsive habit, leaving you more anxious than reassured. It’s as if every choice holds the weight of your baby’s future happiness and well-being (ask me how I know!).
So instead of feeling reassured and ready to make a decision, the pressure we put on ourselves to make sure it’s the “right” one causes decision paralysis. It’s like we can’t move on so we hold all the tabs open, leaving us feeling scatterbrained and unsure, worrying endlessly about whether our choice will be "the right one."
This in turn fuels an endless cycle of second-guessing and researching—another book, another forum, another person’s advice—only to end up more uncertain than before.
And then there’s the emotional toll of unsolicited advice. Everyone seems to have an opinion about your parenting, from the way you hold your baby to how you handle sleep training. Even when advice is shared gently, we can still feel judged or defensive For me, that showed up as feeling resentful toward the family, friends, and even strangers who were only trying to help.
Years later, I now recognize that beneath this frustration was my deep-seated fear of failing at the most important role of my life—a fear that I think every parent can relate to but precious few openly discuss.
At its core, this desire to “get it right” often stems from the deep all-encompassing love we feel and the desire to do the best for our baby. But it’s worth reminding yourself that there is no single correct way to parent.
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Your intuition, paired with trusted guidance, can lead you toward decisions that feel right for you and your baby—decisions made not out of fear but from a place of confidence and care.
And in moments of doubt, seeking empathetic support, like that of a close relative or even a postpartum doula, can make a world of difference, turning the noise of external opinions into a calm, steady rhythm that works for your unique family.
Here’s the truth: there’s no “right” way to parent, no matter how much research you do or how many opinions you listen to. What matters most is that you care enough to try your best—and that’s already more than enough. You’ll find your way, and with the right support, you can feel more confident in the choices you make for your baby and yourself. You can totally do this ❤️
Learning to trust yourself is the key to a calm, confident postpartum
When you let go of the pressure to do everything “right” and find a way to quiet the noise of all those opinions, it’s like a weight is lifted. Imagine waking up and feeling a sense of calm about your parenting choices, knowing you’ve done the research that matters and made decisions that feel good for you—not based on someone else’s checklist. That peace of mind will allow you to finally relax and enjoy the little moments with your baby without the constant undercurrent of worry.
When you stop second-guessing every move, you start to notice how capable you already are and how well your baby is already doing. Instead of spiraling into another round of research, you’ll feel confident in saying, “This is the right choice for my baby and me.” Decision-making becomes less about fear and more about trusting yourself.
It’s freeing, and that freedom gives you back energy for the things that matter—like soaking in your baby’s gummy smiles or finally enjoying a hot cup of coffee without needing to stay glued to your phone.
And when you’re no longer carrying the stress of everyone else’s opinions, something incredible happens. You feel more present, more connected, and less defensive. You can hear other people’s advice and if it doesn’t align with your values, let it roll off your back because your parenting choices are already solid. That confidence helps you advocate for your family in ways that feel clear and strong, without the guilt or resentment.
Figuring this part out won’t make parenting suddenly easy (because let’s be real, parenting is always a bit of a beautiful mess), but it does make it a lot more joyful and manageable. You’ll spend less time second-guessing and more time enjoying your baby. You’ll stop worrying so much about getting it “right” and start focusing on what feels good and works for your family.
And that shift is transformative. It’s the difference between surviving the early days and actually thriving in them.
How Ayesha overcame her uncertainty
Ayesha’s story is such a great example of how things can shift when you have the right support. When she first reached out, her baby was around 5 months old. The early days of parenting had felt manageable—her baby’s needs were simple, and the rhythm of eat, sleep, and snuggle came naturally.
But as her baby grew more alert, curious, and active, Ayesha felt like she was entering a new phase without a clear roadmap.
Suddenly, questions were piling up: where should her baby play? What toys or activities would help his development? Was it time for a more predictable sleep schedule? And the big one—how and when to introduce solids?
On top of all that, she was navigating living in an intergenerational household with her husband and his parents who were eager to share advice but hadn’t raised a baby in over two decades. She felt torn between wanting to honor their input, follow her pediatrician’s recommendations, and trust her own instincts—all while feeling uncertain about how to tell if she was making the “right” choices for her baby.
When we connected, we started by breaking things down into manageable pieces using my Calm, Confident Postpartum Framework. We especially honed in on her Instincts & Intuition since she already had a sense of what to do but was struggling to trust herself to make solid decisions.
We also spent some time outlining how to take Aligned Actions that she could feel really good about, that fit her family rhythms, and reinforced her intuitive sense of the right next steps. It was such a reassuring process!
Using this Framework, I helped Ayesha understand what was developmentally normal and reassured her that milestones weren’t rigid checkboxes she needed to stress over. We talked about how to keep things simple, focusing on using everyday household items and playtime routines to encourage her baby’s growth—no need for a cart full of specialized toys.
And when it came to solids, I showed her how to approach it in a way that felt natural and aligned with her family’s mealtime habits, while still being flexible and baby-friendly.
By the end of our time together, Ayesha felt like she had a handle on this new stage. She had the confidence to make decisions without second-guessing herself, the knowledge to explain her parenting choices to her in-laws, and a sense of ease about trusting her baby’s unique pace.
Instead of feeling overwhelmed with research and focusing on gathering data, she was able to enjoy her baby’s growing and sociable personality and energy, knowing that she didn’t have to do it all correctly—she just had to do what worked best for her family.
So how can you escape the research trap and learn to tune in to your own intuition? Let me show you how to put boundaries around your research time, embrace “good enough” parenting, and prioritize yourself so you can share your calm confidence with your baby.
Step 1: A New Way to Research
If you find yourself endlessly Googling, scrolling through parenting forums, or bouncing between advice from books, blogs, and well-meaning family members in an effort to make “the best decision” then it is time for a fresh approach to research.
First, focus:
Instead of trying to gather all the information, focus on finding just enough to feel informed and reassured. Start by identifying one or two trusted sources—your pediatrician, a well-reviewed parenting book, or an expert who aligns with your values (like an experienced postpartum doula 🙋♀️)—and commit to relying on those.
Second, set a deadline:
Give yourself a set amount of time to explore your options for a specific decision, like choosing baby gear or starting solids. For example, set a timer for 30 minutes to research and then pause. Ask yourself: "Did I find the information I need to move forward?"
Often, you’ll realize you have been looking for reasons to prove your first choice is the right choice, or reasons to discount information that contradicts your instincts. When this happens, go ahead and trust yourself to make a good choice and remember that most parenting decisions are flexible—you can adjust as you go. This shift can help you escape the loop of over-researching and analysis paralysis, freeing up time and mental energy for the things that truly matter.
Not sure this is “right” for you?
But if you’re the kind of person who reads absolutely everything about where you’re going on your next vacation or comparison shops for weeks before finally pulling out your wallet, it makes total sense that you’re going to want to read widely about every possible parenting approach so you can choose the very best one for your baby.
If we were having this conversation over a cup of coffee this afternoon, you would probably say to me, “I get it but I need to understand all the perspectives before I can decide what’s best!”
And then I would say, “I hear you, but how much time is this taking, and are you okay with that? And how will you know when you’ve read “enough” to feel ready to make a decision?” From experience I can tell you that it’s easy to get stuck in this endless cycle, and it often adds more stress than clarity.
Instead, consider this: babies are super flexible! They thrive on love, consistency, and attention, not perfection or exhaustive research.
Plus, what if your version of “excellent parenting” is actually what you would do naturally—without double checking if it is the “best” way first? Chances are, you’d still make great choices because you’re tuned in to your baby’s needs. Letting go of the pressure to find the “correct” answer frees up time and energy to simply enjoy your baby, confident that what you’re already doing is more than enough.
Step 2: Embrace "Good Enough" Parenting
Let’s be honest: the idea of being the “perfect” parent is exhausting. And babies don’t need this level of perfection—they need your love, connection, and presence. Embracing “good enough” parenting can take a huge weight off your shoulders. Start by releasing the pressure to buy all the "right" gear or hit every milestone exactly on time.
Instead, focus on what works for you and your baby. Maybe that means taking more naps than that highly recommended sleep schedule said, or skipping fancy play pens and opting for a soft blanket over your yoga mat for floor time instead.
Instead of seeing each moment as something to optimize or as a problem to solve, approach your baby with curiosity. What catches their interest? How do they respond to your voice or a new texture? These little discoveries can be so much more rewarding than any checklist.
It’s hard to stay present when you’re in research-mode, but practicing mindfulness during playtime and everyday routines—like watching your baby’s face light up during a diaper change or taking a quiet moment together during feeding—can help you let go of the constant need to “get it right.” Truly, getting this parenting work right is just about showing up, doing your best, and letting love lead the way.
Maybe you’re a high achiever who doesn’t do things half-way?
After all, maybe this is your first baby (or your only or your last!) so why shouldn’t you give it your all?
Because sometimes “giving it your all” can quietly shift into striving for perfection. Why not just let your baby be whoever they are today? That way, you, too, can let your guard down and just be. After all, is perfection really the goal? Or is it love and connection?
So consider slowing down and being present in the moment—letting your baby explore at their own pace, enjoying the way their eyes light up at simple things like a song or a spoonful of applesauce. And likewise letting yourself enjoy the new pace and interactions of this early stage. Connection happens when you’re present, not when you’re racing to provide “the best” of everything. Babies don’t need a perfect parent. They need one who’s there, fully engaged, and deeply attuned to them. And that’s something you’re already doing every day.
Step 3: Build in Time for Yourself
Let’s talk about what’s really going on when you avoid resting and looking after yourself in favor of your pursuit to “get it right.” To an outsider, it might look like you’re a really devoted parent. But inside, it often feels like tension—a tightness in your chest, a restless energy in your mind and body that doesn’t leave much room for softness and laughter.
That pressure is both a mental and emotional weight, and it can make it hard to connect with yourself, let alone recognize and prioritize your own needs. This is why there are so many reminders to new parents to make time for self-care.
It might sound trite, but looking after yourself isn’t just about chasing a moment of calm or treating yourself to a small reward. It’s about resetting your inner world so you can parent from a place of steadiness instead of restlessness.
When you’re able to slow down, you can tune into what you need—whether that’s proper nutrition, a chance to rest, time to move your body, or even a moment of play or affection. These aren’t indulgences; they’re the foundation for feeling secure and balanced.
What if your self-care actually benefited the baby more than you? Would you do it then?
And here’s why this matters so much: the emotional tone you bring to parenting sets the stage for how your baby feels, too. When you’re calm, they feel safe and connected. And when you’re operating from a frantic, worried place, that energy can be contagious, too.
Taking time for yourself helps you move away from that anxious mode and toward a calm, confident presence. It doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—just small, intentional acts that ground you in your own body and mind.
When you do, you’ll find it easier to show up for your baby with the kind of energy you want to share—not rushed or worried, but steady and full of love.
I know you’re probably thinking, “I’m fine. My baby’s only tiny once and I can last a little longer.” But here’s the thing: when your baby is tiny, this kind of self-care isn’t just about you. It’s about both of you. When your baby is tiny, you and your baby are a unit—what benefits you also benefits them.
When you’re grounded, calm, and secure, your baby feels it. They sense your steadiness and respond to it, feeling safe and comforted in your presence. Self-care during this stage doesn’t have to be extravagant or time-consuming. It might be as simple as eating a nourishing snack, stepping outside for fresh air, or asking someone you trust to hold the baby while you rest. These small acts of care recharge you, so you can show up for your baby with the calm energy they need. Taking care of yourself is one of the best ways to take care of your baby—it’s not an indulgence; it’s a gift to you both.
Escaping the “getting it right” loop
Parenting can feel like a whirlwind of advice, research, and pressure to get everything “right,” but it doesn’t have to be that way. I know there is a lot of parenting advice out there, but if it’s all making you feel anxious and stuck in research mode, here’s how to break free:
Simplify how you approach researching and decision making
embrace “good enough” parenting more often
and making time for yourself so you can create a calmer, more joyful experience for both you and your baby.
Instead of striving for the “right” way to do things, focus on what really matters: connection, presence, and trust in your own instincts. Remember, you’re already enough for your baby, and they don’t need a perfect parent who’s done all the research—they need you. By letting go of the noise and leaning into what feels right for your family, you’re setting the stage for a parenting journey filled with love, confidence, and growth.
Next steps to a calm, confident postpartum
If you’ve been nodding along with this post, wondering how to quiet the anxiety and trust yourself more, let’s connect. I’d love to invite you to book a Connection Call with me. It’s a no-pressure chat where we can talk about your specific challenges and how I can support you in creating a calmer, more confident parenting experience. Together, we’ll find solutions that feel right for you—because you don’t have to do this alone.
There are a few different ways I can support you as a virtual postpartum doula. Go ahead and check out my services page to explore what it might look like to work together. From a Day with a Doula, to a 30-day All Access Doula Pass, to a full 12 week Calm, Confident Postpartum package, you can choose the level of support that will help you get closer to the kind of postpartum experience you’re dreaming of.
But for now, your next step is to click here to book your Connection Call, and let’s start building the foundation for a parenting journey filled with love, trust, and peace. You’ve got this—and I’m here to help. ❤️
