4 Practical Ways your Virtual Doula Can Help You

When new moms are sent home from the hospital with a friendly wave and a "good luck!", there is an assumption (from both the L&D department and the new parents) that both mom and baby will figure things out, and if not, they'll just call the doctor for help.

But at the same time, many (most?) new parents come home feeling pretty uncertain about their ability to look after the tiny human they just met. And the space between these sunny well-wishes and barely restrained feelings of incompetence should be filled with constant support in the first two weeks. Instead, here in the United States, it's... not filled with anything. Maybe luck fills it with nearby family or friends who visit with meals and make themselves useful.

In this blog post, I want to reassure you that a Postpartum Doula is an ideal person to fill that space, and if you're in the middle of a pandemic, or if the kind of support you want is simply regular, reassuring check-ins with a postpartum expert, virtual doula support fits in that space perfectly.

Q: How can a virtual postpartum doula help me with my fussy baby?

A: A virtual postpartum doula is available more often, and in many different ways than an in-home doula.

Access to a virtual doula can be a game changer when it comes to looking after your fussy baby. With virtual care, you can connect with your doula on video to show what your baby is like, and what you're doing to soothe your unhappy baby. Your doula can look out for signs of common discomfort like gas, hunger, or overtiredness, and can offer feedback on your soothing efforts.

You're probably tired and flustered, and that can make it hard to come up with fresh ideas or to keep track of all the things you've tried. Your doula can be a clear-headed resource, a source of perspective, and a real boost of encouragement. She is likely better rested and able to see the big picture, and will help you see what is working and what you're totally getting right, and will give you helpful insight about what you can realistically expect as your baby works through this fussy stage and figures out life on the outside.

And you can get that feedback in a multitude of ways! Maybe you'll send a voice message in the middle of the night, or a series of texts first thing in the morning. Maybe you and your doula have a video chat scheduled later in the week, and that gets bumped up so you can get some support right away. Knowing your doula is not far away and is available for you in these tricky early days can be a huge comfort and relief. You do not have to figure this baby out on your own! And your doula wants to hear all about what kind of day you're having. And that can make a massive difference in your early mothering experience!

Q: How can a virtual postpartum doula help me with feedings?

A: A virtual postpartum doula can support you every day between doctor's appointments, through all your feeding questions and worries.

The most common thing new parents feel uncertain about is feeding their baby: when to feed the baby, how often to feed the baby, how much to feed the baby, and how to get the baby to eat more. Plus, questions about what to feed the baby - how to make more milk, what kind of formula to buy, how to prepare it and serve it right, and always the question, "how can I be sure the baby is getting enough to eat?" Side note: I’ve blogged about the basics of breastfeeding and breastmilk elsewhere, so if that would be useful information for you, you can find those blogs by clicking here.

A virtual doula can help you feel more confident about all of these questions. They can watch you and your baby during a typical feeding and see what comes up, literally, if necessary. They can help you understand what is normal for babies of different ages and stages in terms of how often and how much they eat, and they can reassure you when you feel so uncertain even though feedings seem to be going well. A virtual doula can help you stay on top of tracking feedings, and help you work through any struggles that come up. Some virtual doulas are also trained lactation specialists, and those that aren't will know when it's time to connect you with someone who is.

A virtual doula might not be able to come over and feed the baby while you go and have a shower, but maybe that's not even what you want or need. Instead, it might be more useful for you and your family to connect with your doula every day for those first few weeks, even if it's just to touch base, see how the night went, and make a quick plan for the next day's feedings. And all of that can be done with a video chat, voice messages, or texts whenever you’ve got the time.

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Q: How can a virtual postpartum doula help me get more rest in these early exhausting days?

A: Virtual postpartum care can ease your worries in these early days, help you to better understand what's normal for your baby's sleep, and stay on top of the best ways to help your baby sleep better.

There are not many new parents who get through the fourth trimester without feeling certain that they've never really been tired like this before! So how can a virtual doula support parents through the exhaustion of the newborn stage? Your doula can't watch your baby while you have a nap, but that is not the only way to help you get more rest.

1. First, the frequent check-ins with a virtual doula can give you a sense of calm and ease that make it easier to rest when you have the opportunity. This way, instead of worrying about all of the things, researching solutions for something new your baby is doing, or wasting time on baby care efforts or techniques that don't pay off, you can run these things by your doula and get quick and helpful feedback and move on. This alone can make the exhaustion a bit easier to bear, since it's not also mixed in with all the usual new-parent anxieties.

2. Second, when your baby is very young, your doula can help you pace yourselves as your baby figures out the difference between day and night. You've likely received boatloads of advice about you and your baby's sleep and how to get the most of it from all kinds of people who have raised their own babies (and some who never have!) but none of those people really know your baby or your routines and rhythms the way you, and soon, your doula, does.

It can be extremely discouraging, when you're up with your baby 4 or 5 times per night, to hear that your neighbor's niece slept through the night by 4 weeks or that none of your brother's boss' kids ever did until they were at almost two years old. Other people's stories might be fascinating, but some other time, maybe! What you need to hear is what is actually normal, common, developmentally and age appropriate, and perhaps, what is possible for YOUR baby, from someone who has met lots and lots of babies but is focused on your baby for now.

3. Third, through regular virtual visits, your doula can help you establish a rhythm with your baby to promote great sleep habits that you can apply to shifting nap times, bed time, and overnight wake ups so that when the time is right, everyone can easily get as much rest as they need, whether that is by 2 months of age, or 6 months, or later! A doula can also help you work out your family's sleeping arrangements when you're trying to decide between a bassinet, crib, or something else, or if you want to try out different swaddling options or sleep sacks, or when you're looking for different changes you can make to get more rest for everyone. Getting experienced and unbiased support for your baby's sleep from the start can help you all get the most sleep possible!

Q: How can a virtual postpartum doula help me have a better experience?

A: Virtual postpartum doula care can keep feelings of isolation and loneliness at bay.

One of the most common feelings new parents struggle with is isolation and the subsequent loneliness. As of this writing, many of us are choosing at least some degree of isolation for ourselves because of the dangers of a pandemic, for our own sake and for the sakes of the people we care about.

But even before the spring of 2020, (and likely long after social distancing is no longer required whenever we go out) parents feel isolated in the early weeks and months after they have a baby. And this is largely because it is practical: home is comfortable and where the supplies are. To leave means packing up diapering, feeding, and soothing supplies (only to discover you've forgotten some critical thing) and going someplace that may or may not be equipped with baby care facilities. And if you're already feeling mentally frazzled, emotionally tender, and physically worn out, you're much more likely to opt for the comfort of home whenever you have the choice.

Enter your virtual postpartum doula. Here is someone who will visit with you regularly and allow you to share both all the exciting things and the discouraging things that have happened since your last check-in, and give you plenty of space to connect through sharing your feelings, expectations, and experiences, and always without judgment, without bias, and without any need at all to shower, get dressed, or tidy up beforehand.

And if you are someone who is prone to feeling anxious because of the uncertainty, the lack of predictability, and the loss of control in the early postpartum period (like Lauren, who struggled with postpartum anxiety after her first pregnancy), a virtual postpartum doula can help you steady yourself. A virtual doula is never far away to answer your questions about your baby, and is always nearby to check in on you, to see how you're doing, how you're coping, and whether you've found some time for a proper meal, a long, hot shower, or even a walk outside on your own.

Virtual Postpartum Doula Care is the answer!

In this way, virtual postpartum doula care can fill in all the helpless spaces between your hospital's "Good luck, see you in 6 weeks!"  and your need to somehow look after yourself and your own healing while also learning how to look after a newborn you’ve only just met.

And so, if you would love this kind of postpartum support - help with your fussy baby, with feedings, with baby sleep, and to make sure you have a more nurturing and supported fourth trimester, let's connect!

My Fearless Fourth virtual doula care package spans twelve weeks and includes 2 prenatal visits to make sure you feel ready to meet your baby, 8 weekly visits once you settle in at home, and 2 visits focused on getting more sleep. It would be an honor and a pleasure to walk with you through this transformative time in your life.

Come find me on Instagram, Facebook, or use the form on my Contact page and let’s talk about what you want for your fourth trimester.

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