Case Study: Lauren and Postpartum Anxiety

A full year before pandemic times, I took my postpartum doula work online. I was about to have my second baby and wanted to be able to continue supporting new parents even while I was one myself.

Then in March of 2020, when everything slowed way down and socializing felt so risky, it became imperative to provide a way to connect with new parents who were suddenly more isolated than ever. They still needed help with their babies. They still needed support for their parenting goals and instincts. They still needed to hear that they were doing a great job and were going to be fine from someone who knew what was going on with their family.

And one of those families looking for support was Lauren's. She didn't know there were postpartum doulas until after she had her first baby, and when she realized she was going to be having her second baby in the middle of a pandemic, she was excited to discover that virtual postpartum doula care was an option because she was determined to have a better, more supported postpartum experience with her second baby.

This blog post is a look at Lauren's experience with postpartum anxiety and the way our virtual doula care helped her and her family.

Lauren’s experience with Postpartum Anxiety

Lauren is a mom of two who works with little kids as a speech therapist. She's always had a bit of anxiety, but it was manageable and brushed off as shyness or personality quirks.

But fairly soon after she had her first baby, her normal anxious thoughts and feelings really intensified and stayed that way through most of her first six months of motherhood.

On a regular day, before the baby came, Lauren didn't love the idea of trying something new because there's a pretty good chance when you do something new, you aren't any good at it, but every day with her newborn was different from the day before. There was nothing familiar or predictable to grasp onto and that felt super uncomfortable. 

To cope with the ongoing uncertainty, she found herself overthinking everything which made it impossible for her to sleep. She couldn’t find the time to get quiet and relax with yoga, zoning out with her favorite TV shows made her feel even more wired, and brand new worries that Lauren could have brushed off at any other time settled in for the ride.

On top of that, her husband also struggled in his transition to parenthood. He needed extra support and encouragement and so Lauren started to take responsibility for his emotional wellness too. Lauren felt like she was walking on eggshells around him and quickly put his feelings and needs ahead of her own, right behind the baby's.

She tried to keep up with her own and other people’s expectations to visit friends and family and stay active, but found that people's well-wishes for her and the baby just didn't match her experience.

“A few of her friends got it, but when someone would encourage her to “enjoy this stage!” she wondered, what’s there to enjoy?”

Lauren was really struggling but she thought her experience was totally normal. For months, she assumed all new moms struggled to sleep, to do any kind of self-care with a newborn, to figure out some kind of routine or schedule. She craved some peace and ease, but she felt exhausted, drained, like she couldn't think or make a plan, and like the baby in her arms wasn't connected to her pregnancy and the baby she'd gotten to know in her belly.

The only thing that helped was nursing her baby, so she spent a lot of time breastfeeding because at least that felt good.

After several months of this, she finally had a few conversations with close friends who validated her own experience: newborns are hard, this is not normal, and your expectations for her partner to share in the baby's care aren’t unreasonable. From there, she slowly found her way out of the postpartum anxiety pit she'd been in for months.

Why did Lauren hire a virtual postpartum doula?

Before Lauren met her first baby, she attended a childbirth education class where she got to meet several local doulas. She thought the idea of a doula sounded good, but didn't really connect with anyone in the room, and at the time, she felt a little weird about inviting a stranger into her birth and postpartum experience.

Looking back, it’s clear to her that a postpartum doula would have been a huge help for her and her partner. And because Lauren was terrified of having the same postpartum experience with her second baby as she'd had with her first, she didn’t hesitate, and started researching about postpartum doula care pretty early on.

Initially, she thought a postpartum doula was meant to look after the baby and help with the house, but because she was due in the summer of the pandemic, she wasn't entirely sure in-home help was the right choice. When she found me and discovered that virtual postpartum doula care was actually a thing, she immediately booked a call to see if we were a good fit. 

In our phone call, we discovered that our boys were almost the same age, we'd both struggled in our first year of motherhood, and I'd had my second baby just a year earlier than when she was due. Plus, we both studied linguistics and early language acquisition in college. We had a really nice conversation and this was the connection Lauren had felt was missing from her meeting with doulas several years earlier. Because she was determined to have a better, more supported experience with her second baby, she booked in for virtual postpartum doula care several months ahead of her due date. 

How did our virtual doula care visits help Lauren?

Lauren's postpartum experience after her second baby was, thankfully, much more positive than after her first baby, and our virtual doula visits were an important part of that, but our visits weren’t the only part.

For one thing, giving birth in the middle of the pandemic itself was... actually a bit of a relief. It meant that there was no pressure to go anywhere or to see anyone. She could stick close to home and focus on her own family bubble instead of making sure her extended family and her friend network didn't feel ignored or excluded as she recovered and got to know her baby.

Additionally, Lauren felt like she was better at anticipating what was coming - there were certain milestones she could look for, she knew certain stages were temporary, and she was better able to go with the flow of postpartum life because it felt somewhat familiar. The same was true for her husband, who was also in a better place with his mental and emotional wellness. This meant Lauren wasn't overthinking everything and managing other people's needs the same way as before, so she had more space to look after herself in the weeks and months after she had her baby.

Lauren also brought up her previous postpartum anxiety experience with her doctor fairly early on in her pregnancy so that on the day that she gave birth, Lauren had a phone visit with a behavioral health therapist to talk through steps she could take to manage her emotions and reactions in her first week postpartum. This visit was followed up with weekly phone check-ins that helped her keep ahead of the more intense symptoms of postpartum anxiety.

Finally, Lauren chose to hire me for postpartum doula care because she also wanted to have access to a postpartum expert, someone who would listen and allow her the space to process all her feelings instead of offering unsolicited advice that neither she nor her baby could follow. She wanted to know she could get an outside perspective on what was normal or not for her baby, for her recovery, and for her mood swings and emotional experience. And she needed to know that someone would check in with her regularly, to make sure she was doing okay and looking after herself, instead of only asking about the baby.

Our virtual doula visits helped her feel that she was looked after, and was taking care of herself. It helped her make time to reflect on her day-to-day postpartum experience and hold on to a healthy perspective about how things were different from or similar to her previous experience.

How virtual postpartum care is set up to look after you.

Virtual postpartum doula care is all about having easy access to a postpartum expert who is helping you look after yourself. Pregnancy, childbirth, and your recovery from these, followed by your shift into the role of mother to a newborn baby take massive amounts of energy and can leave you feeling off balance. It can be truly empowering to navigate these transformative periods with a postpartum doula as your guide.

So here is how I've organized virtual postpartum doula care into the Fearless Fourth package to look after you.

• First, I love to offer a gift and start with a conversation to get to know each other so you can see if your postpartum goals and my doula heart and expertise are compatible. One of the easiest ways you can do this when you are pregnant is to grab my Newborn Care Cheat Sheet. Besides getting an excellent resource about the basics of newborn development, feeding, fussing and baby sleep delivered to your inbox, you also get a really good look at my early parenting philosophy and a taste of the way I love to support new parents.

• Once we've connected this way, if you're starting to think virtual postpartum care might be just right for you, we'll set up a video chat. This will allow us to talk about your specific vision, your worries, and the things you might need the most support. We’ll also cover how the support in the Fearless Fourth package can help you. Then, when you're ready to get started, you'll sign up, make your payment, and book your first virtual visit, aiming for about four weeks before your due date.

• We start postpartum doula care with two prenatal visits around week 36 and 38 of your pregnancy. In our video chats, we go over all the things you've done to prepare for life with your baby so far, and talk through what is left to do before the baby comes. If necessary, we can also have a crash course in labor and delivery to make sure you feel ready to go when your contractions start.

• From there, we set up eight weekly visits starting the week that you meet your baby. These scheduled video visits are such an important part of doula care because through them, you create the time and space in your postpartum period to connect with an empathetic, unbiased, non-judgmental third party about your baby and your experience as a mom so far. It is a time for a quick recap, for asking questions, for sharing concerns, for making plans, for celebrating joys, and for getting recharged, supported, and encouraged. It is an hour dedicated to you. You're welcome.

• But this is not the only connection point we have - in fact, when you hire me as your virtual doula, you can reach out anytime! I am virtually all yours. We can be in touch all week long because I understand that every day with a baby is new and different and your questions and hard days can't always wait for our next scheduled appointment. So message me anytime.

• Finally, we wrap up your Fearless Fourth trimester with two virtual visits dedicated to you and your baby's sleep. This is the part where I switch to my role as a baby sleep coach and walk you through a plan that will help your baby meet developmentally appropriate sleep goals that align with your family's needs. And because we will have spent the last two months getting to know your baby, we can put together something that is a perfect fit for you and your baby when the time is right.

Is this right for you?

All together, this Fearless Fourth virtual doula care package is twelve weeks of postpartum support, from the end of your pregnancy through your first few months together. And while I’m not qualified to diagnose or treat a perinatal mood and anxiety disorder like postpartum anxiety, the support and connection you get through virtual doula care can be really helpful and reassuring as you find your way through your early weeks and months of motherhood.

Want to talk about how virtual doula care can support your goals for the postpartum period? Come find me on Instagram, Facebook, or sign up for the Newborn Care Cheat Sheet. I'd love to hear your story and make sure you're looked after through your fourth trimester.

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